I lost my dog recently.  I miss Charlie so much

Charlie was a 5 year old Lab Whippet Cross.  Wonderfully spirited dog with a terrible past. She was abused and as such we encountered tremendous difficulties with her.  Over the 2 years that we had her, we invested so much of our time into fixing her, but the damage was too severe.

In June of 2007, we found ourselves at the Vancouver SPCA looking for a dog. There were lots of options, but we were looking for something specific, and we weren’t having a lot of luck.  This one’s too big, this one’s too small. This one’s kinda gay looking, this one’s peeing on his pillow for some reason. 

We stopped at a neighbour of Charlie’s for a moment. This dog wasn’t quite right either. I noticed a few people had looked at Charlie’s cage, but she seemed disinterested in the people looking at her.  I took no real notice of her or her reactions, as a result.  When we approached her pen, without warning, she began wagging her tail and leaping straight into the air.  This girl can jump.  She’d leap three feet in the air from a standing position.  It was so cute.

To this day, when asked why we chose Charlie, I respond  “We didn’t choose her, she chose us.”

We wanted a small dog, but not a tiny dog.  We were looking for a spayed female and immediately thought Charlie might be a good fit. She was thin, that was for sure.  Even by Whippet standards, she was thin.  About 17 or 18 pounds.

The SPCA made it clear to us from the beginning, that Charlie suffered from Separation Anxiety.  We felt fairly confident that we could curb nearly anything that a dog could throw at us. We were wrong.  Charlie was unlike anything we expected.  We had no idea what she was capable of.

Her anxiety was deeply rooted in an abusive history.  Through the help of some behaviour experts, we have been led to believe that Charlie was punished for bad behaviour at a very young age by being left alone, possibly in a small room.  Lord knows what else they did to her. As a result of this abuse, Charlie developed an unstoppable panic state.

Charlie lived in the moment.  When we were there, she was the happiest girl around.  When we weren’t she was miserable and terrified. I often referred to her as Jekyll and Hyde.

We tried everything.  We tried Behavioural training, we tried obedience.  We tried Veterinary recommended anti anxiety medication. We even tried a freakin’ psychic. Nothing worked.  Despite the heartless suggestions of some people, we refused to give up on her, and we absolutely refused to take her back to the SPCA.  We were her third family in four months.  Imagine what that does to a dog with Separation issues.  It’s not fair to her.

After much searching, we were directed to The Healing Place Veterinary hospital in North Vancouver. They specializing in homeopathy and holistic treatments. For over a year, we attempted to curb Charlie’s trauma through the alternative therapies. 

We came to the realization after two years, and countless experts that we could do nothing for Charlie.  It was beyond our capacity to help her.  Sometimes, the only way you can help a dog who is SO screwed up, is by putting her down.  It’s the only humane thing to do.

I promised her right from the beginning, that we would help her.  We’d cure her, and we would do whatever was needed to help her be at peace

Charlie suffered for most of her time with us.  Every day for 9 hours a day, she jumped at our patio window and doors, trying to escape.  Trying to find us. She would induce such a panic state that she would literally fall asleep within 10 minutes of us coming home from work.  It was heart breaking.  It was also no wonder she was so thin. We lost count of the number of times she would hurt herself in these panicked states.  How many times would we come home to find broken paw nails, torn up paw pads, a nose rubbed raw.

The problem with dogs, they can’t tell you what’s wrong.  They don’t understand the psychology of it all.  They just know that they’re scared, or angry or depressed, but they don’t understand why. As such, they can’t illustrate that to you. They can’t tell you why or even drop a clue here or there.

It broke my heart to have to put her down.  I held her in her last moments.  My heart stopped when the Vet put the needle in her paw. I remember very vividly, she jerked in surprise at that moment, and I knew that there was no turning back and within seconds she was gone.

I kissed her and felt her go completely limp in my lap.

I was sobbing uncontrollably throughout the entire ordeal.  I couldn’t help it.  As soon as the needle was in, the tears poured out of my eyes, and I was a mess. I cried over and over again for days after she was gone.  I cried when we picked up her ashes, and I cry when I see the paw prints with her name and adoption date on them.

My beautiful girl is gone. All I can do is think that she didn’t deserve the pain and torment that was forced upon her. And all I can do is pray that I don’t ever learn the name and address of the mother fucker who hurt her.  I would end up with so many assault charges. It’s not even funny the rage I feel towards that fuck.  It’s sick and disgusting what they did to my girl.  I can’t even imagine what goes through the mind of someone when they abuse an animal.  It’s disgusting.

We gave Charlie her special day.  Her final moments were all happy and playful ones.  It’s the kind of last day I would want.  A day without fear.  A day without hate or anger.  It was a day with two car rides, a run in the park and of course, chasing the Frisbee.  We even managed a nap. 

We took lots of pictures of her final day.  Take a quick look at the link. 

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This is her story.